Your favourite childhood Disney movies probably taught you that the way to a woman's heart is to become her knight in shining armour, do everything for her and please her in every way possible.
The reality, as most guys learn in high school, is that this approach doesn't work. The nice submissive guy never becomes more than a friend to women and ends up listening to all the relationship problems that she's having with her boyfriend.
The Disney scenario is not unique to submissive men interested in Femdom, a lot of vanilla men are like this and exhibit submissive behaviours around women. However, the Femdom-loving submissive does often have a harder time finding a relationship.
So, why does the submissive guy struggle to get the girl? To answer this question, we have to understand how female attraction works.
Male Vrs Female Attraction
Men are logical, visceral beings – they see a beautiful woman walking down the sidewalk, and they instantly feel attraction for her based on her looks.
Women experience attraction differently to men – they don't feel instant attraction based on a man's appearance. It's still important to dress well and take care of your grooming, but you can't depend on this exclusively for women to find you attractive.
Female attraction is centred around behaviour. It's how you act around a woman that will cause her to feel attracted to you. Many guys don't understand this, and they behave badly around women and fail to spark any feelings of attraction.
Alpha Vrs Beta Males
We've all heard about alpha and beta males, especially in the BDSM community. While I don't believe men can be separated into two distinct categories, I'm going to stick with these terms; I see a common theme of submissive guys comparing themselves to the alpha male stereotype to make themselves feel and appear like less of a man.
We've all encountered the dominant, aggressive male that sleeps with seven women every week and mistreats them all. This is what most people would call an alpha male.
The problem with this stereotype is that he's exhibiting beta behaviours. The alpha male doesn't need to put other people down to boost his self-esteem. Nor does he indulge in approval or power seeking because he doesn't have time for it – he's too busy working on himself and his goals.
The alpha male is simply a confident, self-assured man who is passionately focused on fulfiling his purpose in life. He isn't sleeping with hoards of women every week to boost his self-esteem because he doesn't need that kind of validation.
The alpha male isn't the aggressive steroid user who bumped into you at the bar last night. The alpha male is the rockstar, the athlete, the entrepreneur, the artist, the poet. The man with passion who has the confidence to pursue his dreams and whose focus isn't exclusively on pursuing women.
It's this confident behaviour that causes a woman to feel attraction for a man and knowing that he has the strength to tackle anything that life throws at him.
Men who have no purpose or interests in their life end up idolising women because they have nothing else to focus on, and this makes women feel uncomfortable and kills attraction.
Women are turned off by a man who does everything for her because he's only doing it to seek her approval. He lacks the confidence in himself to believe that she will be interested in him as a person, so he tries to make her love him because of his gifts and good deeds.
A confident, self-assured man who respects himself won't behave like this. He won't do everything for a woman because he doesn't need to win her approval. He will challenge her when she's wrong or when he doesn't share her opinion because he's not afraid of disagreeing with her.
Confidence Is Not Just For Women
It's not just women who seek these qualities; confident men are also looking for these traits in women. Especially men who are seeking confident, dominant women to take control in the bedroom.
The reason women more apparently seek these qualities is that they have a better advantage in the dating game than men. A man will date a woman who has little confidence and no passion or interests in life because his options are limited or he's desperate. A woman has more options and doesn't have to settle for a dull man who doesn't stimulate her emotionally.
The alpha male, who is exciting and full of passion and knowledge needs a woman who can match him emotionally and mentally and provide the stimulation he requires.
Does The Alpha Submissive Male Exists?
By now you should understand the dynamics of attraction and realise that the alpha and beta stereotypes are wholly inaccurate.
The big question is: can the attractive alpha also be a submissive male? The answer is: of course, he can. In fact, many submissive men are incredibly confident, dominant men in high powered positions.
A man does not need to be sexually dominant and aggressive to be an alpha male. However, he must be self-assured and confident in his submissive sexuality.
Embracing your submissive desires and having the nerve to submit to a woman requires tremendous strength and confidence. It is not the behaviour of a weak beta male.
While there are a lot of genuine beta males in the BDSM community, the idea that every submissive man is a beta is a false notion, usually perpetuated by humiliation play.
How To Be an Attractive Submissive Male
So, how does the submissive get the girl?
There is a paradox: many activities that take place inside a Femdom relationship are precisely what you should not do: run around after a doing everything to please her.
You can be the most pathetic, needy, service-orientated loser on the planet within the context of Femdom; the problem occurs when a man combines this with other off-putting behaviours like approval-seeking, low confidence and a lack of his own identity or purpose in life.
Being submissive is not an excuse for having low confidence or having no direction in your life. Whether you are submissive or vanilla, you should always be seeking to become the best version of yourself, which in turn will help you to attract women.
1 Discover your passion in life and pursue it with focus, drive and enthusiasm.
2 Always be working on yourself and improving yourself at every opportunity.
3 Have your own opinions and beliefs and don't change them to win approval from others.
4 Embrace your submissive side and explore it with courage and confidence.
5 Don't be afraid to disagree with a woman or challenge her when she's wrong.
6 Stand up for yourself and never be anyone's doormat.
Do Women Find Submissive Men Attractive?
Every woman and relationship is different, and some women just will not be into your submissive desires. The extent of your submissiveness will also influence a woman's decision to choose you as a partner.
If Femdom is more of a bedroom activity for you, the chances of attracting a woman are much higher if you exhibit qualities that women find attractive. If submission is a 24/7 lifestyle choice for you, the attraction dynamic will be very different.
If you do things that women find off-putting like chasing after them and pampering them to win their approval, then you are going to find it difficult to make women feel attracted to you, whether you are sexually submissive or not.